Here´s our english version of our interview with the bloodthirsty CARCASS-lovers IMPALED Why? Listen to the current album „Mondo Medicale“ and you will understand. If you want to read this masterpice in geman click here…
What do you have to do with the Washington Sniper?
Sean: We hung out sometimes but I barely knew the guy. He was more a friend of a friend. Now if you want the real scoop, I can tell you all about how EXHUMED are really close with some of the priests who got busted for molesting kids. REALLY close…
Ross: Does this have anything to do with the snipe hunt the other guys from Impaled sent me on? Man, I was in the woods for nearly three weeks, and I never even saw or heard a snipe!!
What was your main inspiration for Mondo Medicale? Your studies about Pathology or CARCASS?
Sean: I don´t think I´m alone in saying that our influences reach far beyond those famous Liverpudlians. I don´t think I´m alone in saying that, I know I´m alone. What´s the big idea bringing that up anyhow? Can´t you see you´ve upset Ross?
Ross: (imitiert den übelsten Liverpool-Dialekt – Anm. v. Claudia) Sniff… sniff… I can´t even afford a Carcass album!! I´ve ne´er ´eard them b´fore! Me parents ´aven´t go´ a penny to pinch, and me legs are all stiff wi´ the gout. We´re a very poor family, sir, and ´tever you could afford to donate t´would be much ´ppreciated. Thanks, guvna… sniff…
Your music is very much influenced by CARCASS as we all know. Where do you see own ideas?
Ross: Why are you so mean to me?
Sean: Haven´t we covered this already? Now Ross is crying AGAIN. Way to go. Personally I listen to more MEGADETH and ANTHRAX than CARCASS, but hey, as you´ve proven several times since the start of this interview, no one´s perfect.
How did you four get together?
Sean: It was a rain swept night in 1996. The wind howled against the old wooden shutters and whipped through the trees, sending leaves fluttering through the moonlit gloom. A car passed slowly down the deserted street, it´s lone headlight illuminating the glistening pavement. Suddenly a shot rang out. The screams of a man cut through the storm, punctuated by a violent flash of lightning and and apocalyptic crack of thunder… Wait, what was your question again?
Ross: How did we get together? Are you sir, implying we are homosexuals? Getting together and humping? Ha! A pox on thee, sir! We CAN´T be homosexuals, ha ha, and I have the proof! None of us have penises, and without those, one simply CANNOT be a homosexual! Not that there´s anything wrong with that.
How often do you rehearse? For the fact that you stand for real trash, you show absolute professionality.
Sean: Oh, we rehearse all the time. Five, six times a week. Why, sometimes it seems like not a day goes by without a rehearsal. Rehearsing, rehearsing, rehearsing, and more rehearsing. When will it end?!?! I can´t take it anymore!!!!
Ross: Wait, you´re using our old rehearsing means drinking code-speak, right?
Why is your new CD-Cover pussy-like? Why did you use the hard version only for the LP?
Ross: There´s a pussy on the front of our CD? Hot dog!!!
Sean: A better question would be Why is Europe so pussy-like? I mean, I know you all enjoy girls with hairy armpits, stinky cheese, and getting whipped into submission by G.I.Joe, but censoring our album covers? That´s dirty poor, lads. In the good old U.S of A you can get the totally grody cover on your IMPALED CD and no one will even give you a sideways glance. And if they do give you a sideways glance you´re allowed to shoot them in the face. God bless America.
If you didn´t have the gore shit in your music and lyrics, do you think the metal scene wouldn´t be interested in IMPALED? Do you use your provocative image just to enhance your band?
Sean: Yes, we have latched onto the best moneymaking scheme ever. Release poorly selling albums with disgusting imagery that only a tiny fraction of the general public won´t be completely sickened by and music that makes most people want to smash their stereo with an axe. Our business acumen is second to none. We´re geniuses!! Geniuses, I tell you!!
Ross: Why, did you think I should show some more skin? I was thinking of wearing half-tops and ripped up Jeans to get that Bad Boy of N´Sync look… Now THAT would be provocative, ooh yeah.
Your previous releases had some of the worst covers I know. Don´t you think the demo and the last album were disgusting? Does this turn you on?
Sean: What turns me on is a hot little fraulein in some skimpy lederhosen and a nice hot cider with a cinnamon stick in it.
Ross: And I am turned on by Hütten Snack. Go figure.
Do you think the sticker Banned in 84 Countries is a sign of quality? In which countries are they banned?
Sean: It´s a sign of desparation if you ask me. We´re banned in Ruritania, Freedonia, Sylvania, Graustark, and many others too humorous to mention.
Ross: I thought that sticker meant that we were recognized as a band in 84 countries. We´re still waiting for the Canadian Parliament to agree that we play music.
If you would be asked to put a song on a tribute-sampler, what song would you choose, and why?
Sean: I´d choose Man in a Suitcase by The Police. I´ve always liked that song.
Ross: I´d like to do a tribute to Falco, with thirteen different versions of me singing Rock Me Amadeus. That is easily the best song ever written, ever. Ironically, it´s even better than all of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart´s songs.
You are surely real splatter-fans. Do you have any movies to recommend. What do you like else? Do you know Olaf Ittenbach, the great German gore-freak?
Sean: I liked Maid to Order starring Ally Sheedy. I don´t care what anyone says about her, she´s tops. Sure, her name sounds like an Egyptian curse, but that´s no reason to avoid Short Circuit.
Ross: Olaf Ittenbach, yes!! I saw most of Premutos but then I fell into an ether-induced stupor. It was excellent! The film and the stupor. Speaking of German horror, I like Anatomie, but probably mostly cause Franka Potente was so hot in Run Lola Run. And then of course there´s Nekromantik, and shit those movies about the guy with the mask on the island killing everyone and raping chicks… man, you guys are fucking gross. You make me sick, Germany, really. I´m ashamed, how crude.
Is any tour through Europe planned? What can the Fans await?
Sean: We have fans?
Ross: They can await a waiting for a long time.
You were quite fast in recording Mondo Medicale. Will the next album be also out soon or do you want to take a little break?
Sean: We´re moving ahead and recording a split with HAEMORRHAGE. That will be out on Razorback Records, unless they decide to be finks, which is certainly within the realm of possibility. Billy Nocera is a shadowy figure, and I suspect Jill´s sunny disposition masks something far more malevolent.
Ross: I´d like to know if Jill is connected to the Girardi crime family. That little mynx. Screw this Impaled thing, I´m gonna see if I can be her courier.
What are you doing to get money? I can´t imagine that you can live from selling CDs, as you just have sold around 45 copies…
Sean: We sell arms to terrorists.
Ross: Raul´s arms, to be specific. It´s not like he needed them. We´re gonna hook up some of those pedals like the drummer for Def Leppard has, so he can do snare rolls and stuff by wiggling his pinky toes.
You surely heard that Barney Greenway (NAPALM DEATH) said: We need Bands like IMPALED so badly in todays Death Metal-scene. What Do you think about that?
Sean: We need reviewers like Barney Greenway reviewing our cds.
Ross: I think if Barney believes it so much, he should buy more copies of the CD! Then our the sales of Mondo Medicale could reach 46, or, dare I say it, 47!!
What CDs / LPs do listen to away from Grindcore and Death Metal? Anything pretentious?
Sean: The last CDs I bought: THE POLICE – Zenyatta Mondatta, RODNEY DANGERFIELD – What´s in a Name?, NICK DRAKE – Five Leaves Left, German Drinking Songs. I really like Kleine Winzerin Vom Rhein and Hopfen und Malz. Der bitchinzie!!
Ross: I only listen to the sounds of hacksaws ripping flesh and killing people. Cause I am the most broooootal!!! I really like the new QUEENS OF THE STONE AGE, the Volume version of the Spider Man Cartoon soundtrack, and FALCO. Fucking FALCO.
Is there anything left you have to tell the German Fans and our readers?
Ross: Skip your god damn six week paid vacations and spend all the money you save on IMPALED stuff at www.impaled.info!!
Sean: Hey fellas, I was just goofing around, you know that right? I know what you marauding huns can do and I certainly don´t want any trouble.